Thursday, 10:45pm
Reno, NV
“That is just too fuckin’ pretty to be real.” (Bob the drummer)
Howdy…
Sorry for the profanity in the above quote, but that’s what he said.
It was around 15 years ago, in the midst of my 3rd mid-life crisis.
I’d dropped out of advertising for a while — wasn’t sure how long I’d be floating, and gave no forwarding address to old clients — and was living off royalties and nurturing the power-trio rock band I’d formed over the prior months.
We were hanging out by the van — sober, if you must ask — after setting up in yet another filthy biker bar on one of the nastier streets in Reno, killing time until the joint filled up and we could start playing.
Mid-May here in the high desert — nestled in the bosom of the Sierra Nevadas, just below Lake Tahoe — can take your breath away.
The sun had just set, and the sky glowed with that special ambient dusk-glow that made the whole world seem like a dream from the bottom of the ocean.
We all stopped, mid-lies and mid-guffaws, and drank in that certain kind of alive-ness you can only access when you’re outside during the sun-to-stars changing of the guard.
Friday late afternoons have given me a visceral thrill since I was a kid. For most of the culture, it was time to wind down, go home and settle in for the evening. For the rest of us — the night owls and the rebels and the wayward uneasy souls — the day was just getting good.
So we remained silent for a long time, just gazing at the sky and enjoying being exactly where we were, about to do exactly what was coming up.
I won’t even try to describe the sky. Like I said — high desert, spring, mountain-filled horizons…
Bob the drummer broke the silence.
“That is just too fuckin’ pretty to be real,” he said.
And yet, there it was. As real as you or me.
I thought about that scene this afternoon as Michele and I roared down the highway to go grab some cheap Chinese food for dinner. We had the top down, and the gathering dusk swirled through the car and around my heart.
It might have been exactly this day in May, 15 years ago, that Bob said that.
But tonight, it feels like it was just minutes ago.
Why am I telling you this?
Because… Read more…
Tuesday, 12:59pm
Reno, NV
“You’ll lose 20 pounds while you sleep!” (Go-straight-to-jail diet-ad lingo that nevertheless pops up every couple of years)
Howdy…
You know what?
I haven’t pissed anybody off in a while. So let’s see if we can’t rile up the mob a little bit, cause a little unrest in the ranks.
The best way to do this, of course, is to lift the blinders most people wear 24/7… and force them to face some uncomfortable truth or another.
Pop some bubbles. Expose the myths.
Oh, people HATE it when you harsh their zombie mellow… and snatch away their cuddly delusions.
Some may thank you later for the wake-up call. But most will snarl and bite, and rush back to the warm embrace of the dream they’ve languished in their entire life.
To be a great marketer, Read more…
Thoirsday, 9:43pm Reno, NV “Ask not for whom the dog barks. It barks for thee.” (Motto on our doormat.)
Howdy.
And welcome to the new blog.
I’ve pretty much just moved in.
And, as you can see, we hauled every scrap of crap from the OLD blog over here, and dumped it willy-nilly all over the joint. Coming up on five freaking years of archives over there on the lower right.
You could get lost in that Basement Of Wonders.
Be careful… should you muster the courage to go rummaging. (I dare ya.)
Jeez. I must be one of the longest-tenured bloggers in Read more…
Sunday, 9:48pm
Reno, NV
“Jerry was a race car driver, 22 years old…” (?)
Howdy.
Just checking in, to make sure you know I’m still kicking.
Busy, busy, busy. Virtual classes for the Simple Writing System start this week, you know.
Tell you what: To celebrate, let’s give out some…
PRIZES!
In fact — what the hell — let’s have TWO contests.
C’mon. What d’ya say?
Contesto Numero Uno: First person to name the band AND fill out the last two lines of the song I quoted above (just below the date)…Read more…
Thursday, 11:55am
Reno, NV
“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore!” (Network.)
Howdy…
I hope you had a chance to drop by the “Carlton Talking Head” video show last Monday.
It was a blast. Thousands of folks from all over the globe tuned in…
… and while I have no intention of actually checking, I’m saying we beat all other media for that hour in the demographics we care about: Entrepreneurs and biz owners and budding writers.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
It was a proper launch for the now-infamous Simple Writing System at-home mentoring program (the 5th time we’ve offered it, and possibly the last). It was wild, it was fun, and it was a breathtaking learning experience that will change forever the way we do biz from here on.
Here are 2 background notes on the story you might find interesting:
1. The power went out all over Reno 15 minutes before we went live.
But did I panic?
Read more…
Sunday, 1:30pm
Reno, NV
“5… 4… 3… 2… 1…”
Howdy.
Quick note here for anyone who wants to know:
We are officially opening the doors to the Simple Writing System 5 at-home mentoring program… tomorrow, Monday, April 6th… at 2pm Eastern/11am Pacific.
However…
… I will begin a live video feed — of me, in my cluttered office, uncensored and unrehearsed — one-half hour earlier (1:30pm EDT/10:30am PDT).
You can ask questions by posting in the live chat feed. (Don’t be shy about just saying “Hi”, too — it’s always good to know that friends are tuning in just to see if I screw it all up.)
And you know what?
I just may open the doors early. To reward those folks smart enough to check things out when the action starts.
By “open”, of course, I mean we’re finally releasing spots in the mentoring program. It’s a big damn deal to know about the precise hour we open ‘er up… because there really are a specific number of slots available… and when they’ve been snatched up, that’s all she wrote.
This is the fifth time we’ve held some version of this SWS at-home mentoring program. All previous programs filled up quickly.
We do NOT, however, have current plans to hold another one.
Why not? Because it’s nearly freaking impossible to corral all the professional writers in the faculty into a 2-month commitment like this.
And that’s why this program is totally unique… and why it works so well.
I have a dozen of the most recognized pro copywriters in the world under contract to be hands-on teachers in this interactive program. They’re more than just helping me out, so I don’t get spread too thin with students. They are a vital part of the mentoring, getting down into the details with you on an almost daily schedule.
To get more info on the program, go here:
http://www.simplewritingsystem.com
You’ll see the full faculty line-up. (We’ve got ALL the pro writers from SWS4 returning… and there are a couple of new writers eager to get involved this time out.)
Plus, you’ll get the lowdown on the hot new addition to the program: The sizzling “777 Sessions”.
These are special webinars — using students in the SWS5 program — hosted by some of the biggest names in Web marketing: Rich Schefren, Jeff Walker, Brian Clark (of copyblogger.com), Perry Marshall, Jeff Johnson, Andy Jenkins (Stompernet), and Tellman Knudsen.
This is eye-poppin’ stuff. Literally, the opportunity of a lifetime to finally get hip to easily and quickly writing killer sales copy (whenever you need it, from now on)…
… while being mentored by the best in the game.
This is one-on-one coaching, with lots of opportunity to interact with other students, other mentors, and everyone else in the program.
It’s dirt cheap, too. As so many graduates have said: The first time you use even a single step from the system, you’ll make your money back.
And the first time you DON’T have to hire a freelancer to do your writing for you… well, you’ve probaby saved two-to-ten times your money, right off the bat.
But the REAL fun comes when you realize just how FAST you can put your business on steroids… because you can suddenly slam out EVERYTHING that needs to be written, in record time…
… and KNOW that you’re doing it right.
You’ll hit all the right buttons to grab the attention of your prospect, guide him through your sales funnel, get him so excited he can’t stand it…
… and be able to close the deal like a pro.
And this system works for ads, websites, video scripts, email, speeches… everything you need from here on out.
No matter how long you’ve been in business — from raw rookie beginner, to grizzled veteran — this program has been PROVEN to blow right through all the skepticism, all the learning problems you’ve had before, and all the excuses you’ve ever had that have kept you from finally learning to write.
It happens quick. You’re in great hands — we know what we’re doing…
… and we do it really, really, really freaking well.
So hop over to the site, early Monday morning.
Watch me get all hyped up and crazy on live video.
There’s no telling WHAT the heck I might do, you know.
There are “early sign up” bonuses, too.
Oh, it’s gonna be fun.
See you (literally, you’ll see me) tomorrow.
Stay frosty,
John
Wednesday, 12:29pm
Reno, NV
“Nothing good will ever happen in your biz until your copy gets written.” (Me.)
Howdy…
I’m just watching out for you here, in case you missed any of the news: We’ve made the at-home mentoring program in the Simple Writing System available again.
It’s been six months since we last allowed people in.
I’ve put another superstar faculty of teachers together… which includes top, respected professional writers like Harlan Kilstein, Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero, David Garfinkel, Mike Morgan, Kevin Rogers, and many others.
If you have yet to explore what this hand-holding, intensely interactive program offers…
… then, dude, you need to look into it now.
There are fascinating “case studies” up on the site: http://www.simplewritingsystem.com/blog/
Plus a ton of free goodies… like the video of my notorious presentation at Frank Kern’s last Mass Control seminar. I put the crowd through the paces of how to tell a great story. (This is a big damn exclusive, too — no one outside of Frank’s inner circles have ever seen this presentation before.)
More important, we’re about to accept folks into the interactive mentoring program in just a few days…
… so even if you’re just curious, you need to stay in the loop by opting in.
What’s the big deal?
There’s just zero other opportunity to get hands-on mentoring like this anywhere else in the world.
And it’s a freaking bargain, too. One of the main reasons entrepreneurs and biz owners flock to this program is that the FIRST time they write their own sales copy… and skip hiring a freelancer (even the cheapest one out there)…
… they’re ahead. Just on cost alone.
The piles of treasure that come from learning how to write a good sales message make this simple act of getting some mentoring the most lucrative thing you can ever do in your life.
There are 4 case studies on the Simple Writng System site.
One from a rookie who had struggled getting anything written at all for her online business.
Results of getting mentoring from my crew: Conversions have quadrupled.
And biz is so good, her husband just quit his “main” job and has joined her in the now-super-profitable biz.
Another case study reveals how a business owner got so instantly good at using copy to sell… that he’s now being begged by every colleague and other marketer he knows to write ads and webpages for them, too.
He’s probably gonna sell his business, and just go freelance with writing full time. Pays better, more time off, absolutely no lack of marketers desperate for his help.
Another fascinating case study: Frustrated marketer puts in 9 months with other “copy guru’s”, yet still can’t write to save his life after all that coaching.
Finally discovers the Simple Writing System. Immediate results: Triples conversions, which also triples profit, on his main site.
Then there’s the “Big Buck Challenge” case study, with Web rock star Tellman Knudsen.
He actually taunted me into giving the rookie writer working with him just a few of the steps in the Simple Writing System… with the idea that he would viciously test the new site for one week… and thus expose my system for the obvious failure.
He even picked one of the worst months in the US economy to do his testing.
Man, he was out to humiliate me.
Except the new site crushed the old one. Quadrupled results, bringing in over $100,000 unexpected bucks per month… which translates to over a million bucks in the coming year.
All from just a few tweaks, by his rookie writer, using a fraction of the Simple Writing System steps.
Look… I know people are skeptical as hell about all of this.
I rarely meet anyone these days who hasn’t been burned by some self-annointed copywriter teacher… who may have had a lot of success as a freelancer, but just cannot teach writing.
I’ve spent 20 years mastering the many different ways that people learn stuff. There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to mentoring… and I designed the Simple Writing System to work with anyone, in any situation, with (almost) any kind of peculiar learning requirements.
We’ve been helping rookies, frustrated professionals, folks for whom English is a second language, biz owners from all over the globe, even blind entrepreneurs.
We know how to teach this stuff. So it’s easy, and even fun to finally sit down and start slamming out everything you need written for your business to thrive.
There are no exceptions, really. (I suppose if you’re just the most stubborn person in the world, absolutely commited to never succeeding, you won’t do well in this program.)
We’ve really overdone it this time, too.
I wasn’t sure I could pull the faculty together again, even after the success of the last mentoring program, six months ago.
However, everyone eagerly re-enlisted. For at least one last go-round.
There’s more, but what’s critical right now is that you get over to the site and opt in, so you can get the free goodies:
http://www.simplewritingsystem.com/blog
The free stuff and the case study interviews will ONLY be available for a few more days…
… and then it all goes back into the vaults (where no one can access them).
So head over there right now, while you’re thinking about it.
We’re posting — and giving more goodies away — every day for the next couple of days.
In fact, I gotta get back in the saddle here — I’m recording a video comparing the before-and-after tweaks that gave a website a 300% goose in results, instantly.
You just gotta see this stuff. Every single tactic is something you can use in your own business (especially online).
It’s particularly nice to note that all the case studies (and all the stunning testimonials we’re getting) were done during this current recession.
The people who learn to make marketing work aren’t complaining about the economy — they’re just continuing to pile up the results.
Stay frosty,
John Carlton
P.S. Here’s a couple of testimonials from the Simple Writing System you might find intriguing:
“Bottom line: Profits have tripled… without changing even one other aspect of my marketing. All I’m doing differently is applying the lessons I learned in this mentoring program.
I’ve spent thousands on different products claiming to reveal how to make your sales page work… and I’ve had two well-known Internet marketing gurus coach me up to 9 months each… and yet I still struggled to write, and what I ground out wasn’t very effective.
Since going through the Simple Writing System, however, I can now knock out sales pages within a couple of hours… and they get results. I recouped my investment here in the first couple of weeks.” Andrew Rondeau, UK
“I made my biggest product sale ever because of one email where I used the formulas I learned in the SWS. It retailed at 25,000euro ($35,000 US), and that one email did the job that otherwise would have required multiple calls and a lot of back-and-forth.
Writing is so natural now, I can’t imagine that I ever didn’t know how to do it. Another thing: Before, spending all day writing copy was a nightmare, and I really didn’t understand what was needed. Yet the pro writers I paid a small fortune to for help couldn’t produce the hooks I learned in the SWS. Their stuff didn’t work.
So I learned John’s system out of pure necessity. And now that I’m so good at it, I’m considering selling the business and becoming a full-time freelance copywriter — I think I’d like the lifestyle.” Otto Tromm, Belgium
“Since graduating (from the Simple Writing System) my conversion has quadrupled. Last month I wrote everything for my first-ever launch, and brought in $12,000.
The 17-point check list never leaves my desk — the process works so well, it’s freaky. In fact, things have been going SO well that my husband quit his job and is joining on with me.
Taking this course is the best money I’ve spent in the 3 years since starting my business (and I’ve bought from all guru’s, too). Just getting critiques from John and the faculty was worth the price of the course itself. I now know exactly what to write to get people to open up wallets and gladly pay for my products and services.” Stacey Morgenstern, San Francisco, CA
Sunday, 9:50pm
Reno, NV
“The hounds of Hell are now following you on Twitter…” (Email in a dream I had.)
Howdy.
I just wanted to share a few thoughts about social media.
The topic came up in my coaching program (the Radio Rant). People are understandably baffled about the cornucopia of ways available to gossip and reach out to touch other people.
And nobody has 4,000 friends. I don’t care what your Facebook total is.
Yet, many top online marketers (and politicians, and journalists, and probably the guy making subs at Quizno’s) are obsessively writing 140-character neo-haiku on Twitter, including me. I’ve had an account since mid-summer, and I’ve been playing around with it almost daily for weeks at a time.
Then I get bored and ignore it.
The good part: I have reconnected with a few old friends from across the globe. Of course, I could have just as easily reconnected with them via email, actual mail, or the phone. (Does anybody say “telephone” anymore?)
But, no, it’s been Twitter where we have the majority of our contact.
And I’m not sure what to make of this.
I see my colleagues almost frantically searching for ways to monetize their Twitter accounts. The Holy Grail would be to discover a tactic that justifies the time we spend telling strangers where we’re at and what we’re doing. (“The heat just came on. My nose itches. The little dog is laughing…”)
I find it odd that a good pal will tweet something, and I’ll reply (with my typical charm and wit) within seconds… and he won’t even see my reply. It gets buried in the avalanche of responses from his 4,000 followers.
Or — horrors — I’m starting to suspect that (like Britney Spears) my friends aren’t actually doing their own tweeting at all. They’re hired some ghost-writer drone to slam out YouTube alerts and push new marketing agendas.
Joe? Polish? You reading this?
So, for me, the “social” part of the medium is murdered in its sleep when so little actual social interaction takes place. (I guess you could argue that Direct Messages takes care of that need. But then, DM is really just a short email, isn’t it?)
This thing is NOT defining itself.
Anyway… here is what I wrote in my coaching forum about Twitter. Take it for what it’s worth.
And after you read this… I would like to hear what YOU think about all the social media sites, and they’re affecting the culture and the way we do business. (Personally, I don’t know of a single dollar having been earned from a tweet, from anyone. Enlighten me, if you know something I don’t.) (And no fair claiming anything vague like “brand recognition” or any of that shit.)
Here’s my post:
My 2 cents on social media. By little Johnny Carlton.
Ahem…
As you know, I’ve been logging onto Twitter for months now. About 20% of the time I use it to announce biz stuff — blog posts, a new launch, a new product.
The rest of the time, I’m performing pure social interaction. That’s what pleases me.
I call my tweets “Twitter Bombs”, because I toss them out into the grid just to wake people up and cause chaos.
I am seeking the give-and-take of witty repartee, like the brassy (and extremely funny)
sessions I have with other writers in the bar after a hard day of seminars.
The advantage of Twitter is that it’s instant interaction. You tweet, and the folks still awake, or alert to action on Twitter, respond.
I’ve actually re-established some long-dormant friendships through Twitter.
The DISadvantage of Twitter is the same instant interaction element.
A blog post stays up until you post again.
People come to a blog, and read the first post — so if you put something up of real value, you can engage large numbers of people with it.
Plus, you can archive it, and make it easy for people to access even years afterward. (I’m always getting comments on old blog posts from 3 and 5 years ago.) (Not sure why year 4 gets no respect.)
No such archiving exists with Twitter.
Just as in a real party, your witticisms and observations and brilliance pass into the ether as soon as make them. Within minutes, others tweet and move you off the main page.
I don’t think there is any habit in Twitterville of going back through old tweets to see what you missed, either.
If you’re following more than a few people, you’ll have hundreds of tweets, sometimes, in an hour or so. Anything you missed is long gone… unless you have more time on your hands than God, and can’t think of anything better to do than drift lazily through a thousand old tweets looking for something interesting.
It’s like texting, for me. I’ve heard it called texting for adults, and maybe that’s accurate.
My nephew, in college, uses it ironically — his tweets are little bits of language art, absurd or weird or confusing (kind of like Seinfeld asides). He’s establishing himself as smart and irreverent — Twitter, for him, is a way to define his personality to others.
I would be more addicted to Twitter if more people would respond to my Twitter Bombs.
(Though, often, I get dozens of great replies in real time. See the “Anybody want a beer?” tweet-fest I had going a couple of weeks ago on my page at ww.twitter.com/johncarlton007.)
I usually tweet late at night, when I’m on Miller Time, so I’m feisty and looking to play a little.
I have people in Australia and New Zealand who respond, but only a handful in the States.
Out of the 4,000+ folks supposedly following me.
Just my perspective.
I don’t think the form will last long as it is. They have to monetize it, or sell it to some media giant.
It will change dramatically, soon.
Or vanish. That much is almost for certain.
Odd to think that Twitter is just over, what, a year old now? What’s the next new social media thingie lurking in the coming months to enslave our brains?
I dunno. I tweeted today, several times. Tried to communicate with someone (no reply), left a smart-ass comment with someone else (they loved it), offered up some news stories for general consumption (no consenus yet on what my followers think about any of it).
I’ll probably announce the posting of this blog on Twitter later tonight.
Oh, the irony.
What do YOU think?
Are you using ANY of the big social media very much? (Blogs don’t count. Blogs rock.)
Can you swear to me that you’ve seen actual monetary results from using this stuff? (So, you know, you can claim it’s now integral to Operation MoneySuck for you.)
I’d like to know.
No rush. This post will be on the blog for years…
Stay frosty,
John Carlton
Thursday, 10:19pm
Reno, NV
“Psst, c’mere, I wanna talk to ya…” (“Down In Hollywood”, Ry Cooder)
Howdy…
Listen. I’m just doing a drive-by blog tonight.
We’ve simply got so much going on this week, that I’ve got to keep my nose to the grindstone. Get some sleep, stay frosty, corral some deals that are currently roaming out there in the ether.
So I just want to touch base here, and make sure you’re in the loop on some of this.
First Loop Thing: I have been on the phone these past two days with a “Who’s Who” of online marketing.
Check out this line up — Rich Schefren, Perry Marshall, Andy Jenkins, Jeff Walker, Brian Clark, Tellman Knudsen…
… and guess what?
Every one of them has agreed to participate in this mysterious little business adventure Stan and I are cooking up, as we speak. (You’ll get advance notice in less than 2 weeks, if you watch the blog.)
Things get a bit giddy when the talent pool goes high-end like this.
And no, I’m not gonna reveal what’s up… yet.
But I will tell you this: For a few smart business owners, an opportunity is about to arrive that will give you exclusive personal access to these experts…
… with me as a referee. And, probably, ring leader, too.
It’s gonna be something special.
You’ll be thrilling the grandkids with this story for a long time.
What you can do now… is to make sure you’re on the blog notification list (top right of this page).
So you will get early warning of anything cool and worthwhile happening.
Second Loop Thing: I want to remind you that my much-revered Freelance Course is available again.
After a hiatus of over a year.
If you want to juice-up your current freelance efforts with some serious professional mojo…
… or if the lifestyle of a pro freelance writer (the money! the fame! the adventure!) has always appealed to you…
… then you must see what all the fuss is about here:
http://www.carlton-freelance-course.com
No obligation when you hop over and see what’s up on this site.
However, be aware that I’ve pulled the course from circulation before (for over a year last time)… and will do so again if the coaching thing gets too crowded with copywriters.
So, yeah, you probably do want to get over there right away, and check ‘er out.
Finally…
… I want to thank Kevin Rogers, again, for handling the first “guest post” on this blog so well. It was a blast trading barbs and jokes with other writers in the comments section.
And…
… I want to thank, again, all the folks who chimed in with thoughts, advice, and insight to how we are presenting the Freelance Course. It was very helpful.
I’m always open to opinion and suggestions.
And I am constantly impressed — and stricken with gratitude — when I witness just how smart and hip the audience for this little blog is.
Really, guys. Thanks for putting up with me, and thanks for staying involved through your comments, emails, and all the other ways you make my job so damned enjoyable. (Note to the person down in Vegas last month, who recognized me walking by and wanted a handshake and quick photo. Glad to oblige. Mike Koenigs took the photo, but we lost the biz card you gave us! So we can’t mail the photo to you. If you’re reading, we need your address. One nice photo of you and me in the Wynn is waiting…)
And if there’s anything — anything at all — you’d like to see discussed or addressed in this blog, just say so.
Good time to do that would be… oh, now.
Meanwhile…
Stay frosty,
John Carlton
Saturday, 7:58pm
Tampa, FL
Howdy…
Hey, a big “first” for this blog today: We have a guest writer filling in!
Let me introduce you to Kevin Rogers, an experienced, savvy, successful copywriter (who has earned a spot on my “Inside Team”) who brings a unique perspective on writing sales copy.
See, his first line of work was stand-up comedy.
I’ve been pushing him to dig into the lessons he learned as a stand-up… which I intuitively know also apply to writing copy… and share.
For years, I’ve been the sole person to post on this blog… and I’ve always wanted to bring in other ink-stained wretches to guest-post. Kevin won the lead-off job by having the best story to tell.
So I’m outa here, on a brief and rare day off.
No matter what niche you’re in, the competition is stiff out there, and with AI and chatbots on the rise, it’s about to get even more so. So here are some more resources you need under your belt if you want to survive and thrive as a marketer.
You, however, need to read Kevin’s take on writing copy, below.
It’s excellent stuff.
Let’s have a warm round of applause for…
Kevin Rogers. Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Rogers… (here ya go, Kevin… don’t blow it…)
Thanks, John.
Hello, everybody.
I’m honored to have scored this gig writing the first guest post on John’s “Big Damn Blog.”
As a kid I dreamed of filling in for Johnny Carson as guest host on “The Tonight Show”… and while I did spend a wild decade performing stand-up in comedy clubs and college bars all over the U.S., I never got near Johnny’s shoes.
However, for a copywriter… this is the equivalent.
Carlton is to the blogosphere what Carson was to late-night TV: the hip, gracious, straight-shooting host who always leaves you better off than before you tuned in.
I’ll do my best to fill up “Johnny’s desk” here the way a raw and relevant Jay Leno once did… and not just read from cue cards, like Ed McMahon.
You may have noticed a lot of copywriters are also recovering entertainers.
It makes perfect sense actually, for a few reasons:
First, the work pattern is very similar.
You wake up whenever you want, perform at your optimum level for a few hours, and then avoid going crazy until it’s time to perform again.
Second, writers and comics are all twisted in the same way. Someone once asked W.C. Fields what makes a comedian laugh.
He said: If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a guy up like an old lady and push him down a flight of stairs. If you want to make a comedian laugh… you have to use a real old lady.
I’d say that’s accurate. But it works even better if the old lady was Ruth Madoff.
(Bonus similarity between writers and comics: Neither can resist one-upping someone else’s tag line.)
Anyway, the parallels in psychology between writing killer sales copy and slaying an audience with stand-up are endless…
… mostly because copywriters and comics come from the same school…
…the one where class clowns get to outshine the class president.
Whether you’re after the sale — or the laugh — the same ass-saving strategy used by smart runts on the playground to keep bullies at bay will take you a long way toward closing the deal.
The kids with comic blood found safe ground as court jesters, while the kids with salesman’s blood kept their lunch money by playing the role of “trusted adviser.”
The approaches may differ slightly in detail, but underneath it’s all about persuasion.
So, here now, for your useful enjoyment, are 3 important copy lessons on persuasion I learned from the comedy stage:
1. You’ve Got About 6 Seconds To Win Your Audience.
People are stingier than ever with their attention these days. There’s no room for error in that critical first impression.
Performing in a comedy club gives you the slight advantage of facing an audience that actually wants you to succeed. They stood in line, they paid a cover, and they want their date in a good mood later.
Still, that opening is crucial.
The first joke must be 3 things:
- Relevant…
- Pithy…
- And quick to establish your character.
It also needs to be an applause line.
For sales copy, as Carlton says, money is applause.
When your ad lands in front of a reader, he’s begging you to screw up, lose his interest and let him off the hook so he can jump off your greased slide and go do something else.
And you can triple that risk online, where every visitor enters your page with an index finger poised on a hair-trigger mouse click… just praying for any excuse to zap you into oblivion.
If your message fails to spark interest and resonate with your reader in those first few seconds, you’re dead.
So, the key to a powerful first impression is: Know your audience.
A seasoned comic can take one look at a crowd and know the best joke to open with, how often to curse, and how to close the show.
As marketers, we do our peeking from behind the curtain by stalking available data on potential buyers.
That means: Engage your niche in forums… survey existing customers… attend seminars… and do everything else you can to mind-meld with your target audience. People love to tell you what they want to buy and why they want to buy it.
Listen close enough and the copy practically writes itself.
2. Create A Penetrating Hook And “Pay It Off” Big.
In both stand-up and copywriting, ensuring your audience will hang with you requires a strong hook.
Like John teaches, it’s all about shaking your audience out their zombie state and getting them to lean in closer, wide awake and receptive.
And the best hooks will buy you undivided attention. (No one is going anywhere until they find out how a “one-legged golfer” drives the ball further than they do.)
But never forget the golden rule:
You must pay off your hooks!
I’m amazed at how many marketers miss this. They craft a compelling hook, announce it in the headline, then fail to ever mention it again in the letter.
What the hell is that all about?
Some even do it on purpose under the false assumption it will create curiosity.
It does not.
It creates frustration and destroys trust.
(I don’t have space for tips on creating hooks here, but the best lesson I’ve ever seen is in the “Simple Writing System.” that section on hooks alone is worth whatever price he decides to charge for it.)
3. Use Segues To Switch Topics Smoothly.
A typical comedy audience is not quite as demographically targeted as a typical direct marketing list.
In the club, you’ve got about equal parts dude and chick… and then a wide range of age, interest, intelligence, and alcohol consumption to deal with.
So, comics tend to write material with general themes that anyone can relate to, like dating and pop culture. The goal is to cover a variety of subjects so everyone feels involved in the show.
However, getting the audience to follow you from a joke about “your awkward first kiss” to one about those whacky “ShamWow” commercials can be tricky.
So comics use clever segues that quickly tie the subjects together and smooth any bumps in transition.
For instance, in the example above you might transition the topics by saying something like…
“That first kiss is a sloppy affair, too… drool everywhere. You need a ShamWow bib just to keep your shirt dry.
(… beat…)
You’ve seen those commercials for ShamWow, haven’t you…”
See. Nothing special, just enough to take their minds where you need them to go.
In sales letters you can use the “bucket brigade” list of short phrases that make the page flow smoothly through transitions and keep a reader’s attention.
For instance…
Right there where I said, “for instance…” is a bucket brigade term.
And not only that, but…
There are hundreds of these phrases, and you can easily go back and drop them in after you’ve written your copy.
But first, a word of caution:
Using too many bucket brigade terms together like this can backfire by giving your reader “Eyeball Whiplash”.
Moderation, and timing, are key.
So, there you have it.
Next time you’re stuck on a piece of copy, flip on Comedy Central for a few minutes. You might find the answer you’re looking for, and if not, at least you can laugh about it.
Thanks for having me. You’ve been great…
Try the veal!
Kevin
P.S. For more inspired musings and off-color anecdotes, check out Copy Chief. You won’t regret it.
P.P.S. You weren’t going to let me get away with not paying off the title of this post, were you?
Let’s have some fun: The title is, “Two Copywriters Walk Into A Bar…”
Let’s finish the joke. I’ll go first…
Two copywriters walk into a bar… a rookie and an A-Lister.
The rookie copywriter says, “I’ll have a Scotch… whatever you have in the well is fine.”
The A-List copywriter says, “I’ll have Scotch, too, but make mine the 25 year old Macallan.”
The bartender hands them their drinks.
The rookie takes a sip of his cheap Scotch and winces, “Aacchhh…” he says. “That tastes horrible!”
After a short pause, he grabs the A-list copywriter’s glass of Macallan and takes a giant swig.
The A-lister says, “Hey… what the hell are you doing!?”
The rookie says, “Split testing.”
Ba-dum-dum.
OK, now give me your punch lines in the comment section. It doesn’t have to be brilliant (as I‘ve skillfully demonstrated), just have fun. It’s good brain exercise.
