Yes, That Funky Email You Just Got Was A Mistake…

Thursday, 11:58am
Reno, NV
“No, really, everything’s fine, I swear it…”

Howdy…

If you received a strange email from my office this morning, please just delete it. And forgive us.

We trusted the geeks, and we got burned.

We’ve got our fingers crossed here that the damage has been somewhat controlled.

But damage there is.

The company that handles our outgoing email blasts loves to deliver fresh hell whenever possible to clients.

Their system went berzerk last night, like a crazed robot in a bad science fiction flick. And it sent out several thousand emails from me that were either entirely blank… or full of gobbledegook.

The beauty of this blunder is that the company KNEW there was a glitch in the system… but they didn’t want to tell any of their clients. Thought they’d sneak in a fix before anyone noticed. They alerted NO ONE of this problem.

They are assholes.

We think we stopped the emailing monster before it went to the entire list… but I’ve gotten a few private messages from friends mocking me about the stupid-looking emails they just received, so I know these errors went out to a lot of folks.

It makes me look like an idiot, and that’s just something I’ll have to endure. Shit happens, as they say.

Actually, in the great scheme of things, this hardly qualifies as a catastrophe. It’s an annoyance that may cost us the trust of some people, may cause some opt-outs, may dent my credibility.

We’ll survive.

The company behind the email FUBAR may fare less well. An organization that is charged with the care and feeding of someone’s list — the most valuable asset of any client, anywhere — needs to think carefully before trying to hide software screw-ups like this.

We had one of their “customer service reps” LIE to us about what was going on. Just lie, as if making something up would somehow create an alternative reality where everything really was fine.

This sniveling little twit told my assistant that “your emails should be okay” when we called to ask about the disturbing test emails coming back blank. That word “should” sent shivers up my spine, and I ordered the job terminated.

Now, they tell us they’re “pretty sure” they stopped the damage at a few thousand blank emails.

Oh… and we “probably” shouldn’t email anything until tomorrow. All will be hunky-dory then.

Of course it will.

Again — my apologies if you received one of the blank (or otherwise funky) emails today.

We trusted the geeks, and they failed us.

Ah, well. It’s a lovely day outside…

Stay frosty,

John Carlton